The Holy Bibble
by theguywhohasaname
Summary: And Clod said thou shalt readeth this most holy of fics, or shou shalt be doomeded.
1. Table Of Contents (with no page numbers)

You are about to read the Holy Bibble. No, that isn't a typo, this is the Bibble containing the beliefs of the Church of Duo-anity. Read and be lightened... Oh sorry, ENlightened, we don't have a dieting program. Now, read....  
  
TABLE OF CONTENTS  
  
The Old Messed-up-ment  
Sega Genesis  
Exitus  
Hecticitus  
Letters  
Neuteronomy  
Alhazad  
Jurors  
Babe Ruth  
1 Little Indian  
2 Little Indian  
1 DRAGon Queens  
2 DRAGon Queens  
1 Kronikulse  
2 Kronikulse  
Thelma  
Twain, Shania  
Ahtreb  
Mob  
Napalms  
Suburbs  
Elasticeses  
Bong of Sold Man  
Gariegaia  
Jeremiah (was a bullfrog...)  
Laminations  
Zeikfried  
Fan Mail  
Horsey  
Noel  
Almos'  
*orgasmically* Oh-Oh- Obadiah!!!  
Clonah  
Ikea  
Nah-Um  
The Knights Who Say Ni  
The Unneccessary Chapter  
Kawaii  
Zoisite  
Malachite  
  
  
The New Messed-up-ment  
Mat-CHOO!  
Quark  
Fluke  
Pond  
Axe  
Romances  
1 Bored in Thians  
2 Bored in Thians  
Gundaniums  
People with a fear of the Thians  
Philip P. Inns  
Coliseums  
1 Thelmopolis  
2 Thelmopolis  
1 Lassie  
2 Lassie  
Crazy Man In Tiny Cell In Black And White Talking To Camera  
HerculesKabuterimon  
Just Jews  
Jesse & James  
1 Pumpkin Eater  
2 Pumpkin Eater  
1 Return of Pond  
2 Return of Pond  
3 Return of Pond  
Judecca  
The Revelation  
  
Bible Believers: Schmooks For All Time 


	2. Sega Genesis

SEGA GENESIS  
  
The History of Creation  
  
1 In the beginning Clod created pizza & anime.  
2 Eventually He got around to realizing that He should probably make a place to put it, and so He created heavn & earth. Clod liked circles, as is seen in the creation of pizza, and thus He made the earth round. Clod, upon attempting to see how the earth turned out, figured it might be a good idea to make light, too.  
3 The Spirit of Clod hovered over the waters. Clod said, "Let there be light"; and nothing happened. Clod thought to Himself that it was indeed much harder being omnipotent than He had originally thought, and then created language. "Ich geben moua" Clod said, and suddenly there was moua. Er, light.  
4 And Clod saw the light, but then said, "Y'know, I don't think light is something that can be seen... Boy, I just keep screwing up... I'd better make a mental note to create something that will believe in Me and do everything I say without question to compensate for all My stupidity." Clod then forgot what He had been talking about, and divided the light from the darkness.  
5 Clod called the light The Time Before Night, and the darkness He called Sleepy Time. So the evening and the morning were the first Time Before Night.  
6 Then Clod said, "Let there be a furm... A firma... A firmamigament in the midst of the waters, and let it divide the waters from the big wet blue things!"  
Crazy Prophet Lady: *interrupts the story to go look up what a firmament is*  
7 Thus Clod made the firmamigament, and divided the waters which were under the firmamigament from the waters which were above the firmamigament; and it was so.  
8 Clod called the firmamigament Heaven. So the evening and the morning were the second Time Before Night.  
9 Then Clod said, "I wonder why the person sitting there staring at Me while writing things keeps beginning every line with 'then' or 'and'? Aw, oh well, let's make some land!"; and it was so.  
10 And Clod... Er... Uh... Then Clod... Um... Uh... Upon doing this, Clod... Yeah, that works. *ahem*. Upon doing this, Clod called the dry land Earth, and the big blue wet things He called Seas.  
11 Then Clod said, "YOU! Stop putting numbers in front of everything"; and it was so. THEN, Clod said, "Let the earth bring forth grass, the herb that rhymes with ass and yields seed, and the fruit tree that yields fruit, whose seed is in itself according to its kind, whose seed is in itself, on the earth. That's one hell of a mouthfull. IDEA! I'll create hell, soon, too! I'm so smart..."; and it was so.  
And the earth brought forth the aforementioned things that Clod was too lazy to list more than once.  
So the evening and the morning were the third Time Before Night.  
Clod said, "I've been doing FAR too much talking. Anyways, let there be lights in the firmamigament of the heavens to divide the Time Before Night and the Sleepy Time; and let them be for signs and seasons, and for Time Before Nights and Big Collection Of Time Before Nights.;  
"and let them be for lights in the firmamigament of the heavens to give light on the earth"; and, golly gee, GUESS WHAT! It was so.  
Then Clod made two great lights; the greater light to rule the Time Before Night, and the lesser light to rule the Sleepy Time. He made the twinkly things also.  
Clod accidentally spilled them in the firmamigament of the heavens, sending light flying everywhere, and thus the earth could not help but be lit  
and the twinkly things and great lights to rule over the Time Before Night and over the Sleepy Time, and to divide the light from the darkness. And Clod saw that it was possibly not such a bad thing.  
So the evening and the morning were the fourth Time Before Night.  
Then Clod said, "Let the waters abund with an aboundance... No, let them aban with an aboond... No... GUNDAMMIT! Let things live in the waters, and let other flappy things fly above the earth across the firmamigament I have declared to be the heavens."  
So Clod created scaley icky things and every living thing that moves, with which the waters abun... Aboon... Ab... Uh... With which the waters were very much full of, according to their kind, and every flappy thing according to its kind. And Clod saw that it was good.  
Crazy Prophet Lady: Clod! Clod, you moron, quit using those names! Call the light 'day', the darkness 'night', the supposed scaley icky things 'fish', and for Chr- Wait... Christ is in a different religion... *ahem* And for Duo's sake, call the damn birds 'BIRDS!'  
And Clod blessed them when they sneezed, saying, "Be fruitful and multiply, and fill the waters in the seas, and let birds multiply on the earth." But the fish and birds got annoyed with hearing that every time anyone sneezed, so they made him shorten it to "Clod bless you." The fish and birds saw that it was good.  
So the evening and the morning were the fifth Time Be- Er... *glances fearfully at the Crazy Prophet Lady* The fifth day.  
Then Clod said, "Let the earth bring forth lots of thingies like cows and creepy things and beasts of the earth, each according to its kind"; and it might have been so, but Clod didn't say things in a manner that was confusing enough, and so he had to say it again, more confusing this time, before it finally was so.  
And Clod made all the thingies of the earth according to its kind. And the dinosaurs, who were wondering where the hell they came into play, saw that it wasn't good, and demanded that Clod give them a role in this. Clod became very cross with the dinosaurs, and flung them millions of years into the past. Clod saw that it was good.  
Then Clod said, "Let Us make man in Our image, according to Our likeness; let them have Dominoes and fish from the sea, and birds from the forest, and hamburgers from McDonalds, and have Dominoes o- Oops... That's supposed to be dominion, not Dominoes... *ahem* And let them have dominion over the earth and all the crepe things on the earth."  
So Clod created man in His own image, and made them believe in him no matter what. He created male, and male.  
Then Clod blessed them, and Clod said to them, "Oops." Clod skipped the part that was supposed to come next when he suddenly realized that both of them had penises. "Is that how that's supposed to happen?" Clod wondered. "Well... I shall create bigots, and ask them."  
Clod created bigots and asked for their opinion. However, Clod soon grew tired of their yapping and cursed and damned them all, then proclaimed that two men in a relationship together was good.  
So, the morning and the evening were the sixth day.  
Thus the heavens and the earth, and all the host of them, were finished.  
And on the seventh day, Clod was tired of doing things, and thus created football. Clod created major furniture stores, purchased a couch, and set it in His living room. Clod knew that He would be forced to create a football stadium in His living room unless He did something quick, and thus created children.  
Then the children did slave labor for Clod, and finally successfully created a wonderous new invention.  
And Clod took this 'television' from the children and used it to watch football. The children were emotionally damaged, and thus their minds were affected.  
And the children looked at one another, and began to like the opposite sex. Clod did not see this, and thus did not care whether or not it was good.  
At this point, one of the more traumatized boys, who was called Staan, decided that Clod was too good. Staan created commercials, and Clod was furious at the interruption. Clod saw the children that had taken interest in children of the opposite sex, and saw that it was good.  
Clod, however, knew that it was not completely good. Clod knew that the male children would become evil as a result of this slave labor trauma, and so to punish them for their future wrongdoings, placed their thinking organs just below their waists. And Clod saw that it was amusing as all hell.  
Then Clod blessed this seventh day and sanctified it, because in it He had placed football.  
This is the history of the heavens, the earth, when they were created, and the origin of slave labor, in the day that the LORD Clod made the earth and the heavens,  
before any plant of the field was in the earth and before and herb of the field had grown. For the LORD Clod had not caused it to rain on the earth, and there was no man to till the ground;  
but a mist went down upon the earth and watered the whole face of the ground, and Clod proclaimed, "Clod bless me."  
And the LORD Clod formed man of the dust of the ground, and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life; and man became a living being and said, "Did somebody just BLOW IN MY NOSE??"  
  
Life in Clod's Garden  
  
The LORD Clod planted a garden southnortheastward in Eatin', and there He put the man whom He had formed.  
And out of the ground the LORD Clod made every tree grow that is pleasant to the sight and good for food. The tree of life was also in the midst of the garden, and the tree of the knowledge of good and not so good.  
Now a river went out of Eatin' to water the garden, and from there it parted and became four riverheads.  
The name of the first is Pishaw; it is the one which encompasses the whole land of Lavidah, where there is gold.  
And the gold of that land was supposedly good, but it is said that the root of all evil is money. And so Clod said, "Oops." Bdellium and the onyx pokemon are also there.  
The name of the second river is Mignon; it is the one which encompasses the whole land of Cushion.  
The name of the third river is Hikkupel; it is the one which goes towards the east of Ass-yria. The fourth river is the Euphoria, which is actually a river of moonshine.  
Then the LORD Clod took the man and put him in the garden of Eatin' to tend and keep it.  
And the LORD Clod said, "This reminds Me of that computer game, The Sims... Note to self; create that game sometime soon. Oh, by the way, man... You can eat the stuff from any of these trees you want."  
Then the man began to eat leaves. Clod saw this, knew that it was not good, and told him, "I meant the fruit, dumbass!"  
And Clod remembered what He had done to the men who liked women as a result of Staan's commercials, and knew that He had chosen the wrong man to tend His garden.  
So Clod replaced that man with a smarter man with his thinking organ in his head, and saw that this was good.  
"Now, thou shalt not eateth from Myeth treeeth ofeth knowledgeeth of goodeth and evileth, for thou shalt surely dieeth on the day thou eateth frometh iteth." Clod said.  
And the LORD Clod said, "It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper comparable to him."  
Out of the ground the LORD Clod formed every beast and bird he could think of, and brought them to Adam to see what he would call them. And, upon seeing one particular creature, Adam shouted out, "DUCKY!" And it was so.  
Adam gave names to all of the creatures, and he and Clod had several arguements over many of them, but eventually the names were decided. But for Adam there was not found a helper comparable to him.  
And the LORD Clod drugged Adam and waited until he fell asleep, and then stole one of Adam's ribs. Of course, Clod graduated first in his surgeoning class, so he took great care in closing up the flesh.  
Then the rib which the LORD Clod had taken from man He made into a man, and He brought him to the man.  
And Adam said: "This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; I shall not beat you to a pulp after all for stealing my rib. He shall be called Man Two, because he was taken out of Man One."  
Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his rib, and they shall become one barbecue. Or so I thought. But, Clod insisted that instead man should leave his mother and father and be joined to Man Two, and they shall become one flesh.  
And they were both naked, and Clod, being a pervert, saw that this was good. Even when Clod uploaded the pictures that He took onto His computer, they were not ashamed.  
  
The Temptation and Fall of Man and Man Two  
  
Now the serpent was more cunning than any beast of the field which the LORD Clod had made. And he said to the man two, "Has Clod indeed said that Dominoes shalt no longer delivereth??"  
And the man two said to the serpent, "Yes!! Yes, it's true! We caneth noeth longereth enjoyeth pizza without picking it upeth firsteth!"  
Then the serpent said, "Well, you know, the fruit from the tree of knowledge of good and evil tastes just like pizza. Maybe you should try it?"  
And man two was too smart to fall for this, but the serpent threatened to castrate him lest he eat the fruit, and so man two ate the fruit, and also gave some to his husband, and he ate.  
Then the eyes of both of them were opened. "We've had our eyes closed all this time! What morons we've been! No wonder I thought the lightbulbs were all blown..." Man one proclaimed. Neither of them did anything about the nudity, though, they enjoyed the view.  
And they heard the sound of the LORD Clod walking in the garden in the cool of the day, and Adam and his husband hid themselves from the presence of the LORD Clod so that He too could enjoy their exciting new game of 'hide and go seek'.  
Then the LORD Clod called to Adam and said to him, "MARCO!"  
So he said, "POLO!" And then Clod knew that this had evolved far beyond simple hide and go seek. "You have eaten from the tree of knowledge of good and evil! I know you have, do not deny it, for Marco Polo is a very advanced game!"  
The the man said, "The man two whom You gave to be with me, he gave me of the tree, and I ate."  
And the LORD Clod said, "We shall discuss your bad grammar later. But for now... What is this you have done?" And the man two said, "The serpent threatened to castrate me, and I ate."  
So the LORD Clod winced and pitied poor man two, called the serpent 'Hama', and then beat the serpent with a shovel until it slithered away with one helluva concussion.  
And the LORD Clod got very pissed at man two and Adam, and yelled many confusing things at them until they gave him big puppy dog eyed looks, and left his garden.  
And Adam called his husband's name Steve, because he was the moth...Er.. The fath... No... Because he was the man two of all living.  
Also for Adam and Steve, the LORD Clod made sexy leather outfits.  
Then the LORD Clod said, "Behold, the man has become like one of Us, to know good and evil. And now, lest he put out his hand and take also of the tree of life, and eat, and live forever"--  
therefore the LORD Clod developed a case of alzheimers, scratched his head, and then chased Adam and Steve from his garden with a broom. 


	3. Exitus Part 1

EXITUS  
  
Stuff Happens  
  
There were people in Egypt that were children of Israel, and they all had names. Clod saw that it was good, and told the author to skip a section after briefly mentioning that the Pharaoh wanted the Tea-brewer women to kill off all their male children. And it was so.  
  
Thelma Is Born  
  
A man of the house of Strauss went and took as wife a daughter of Strauss.  
So the woman conceived a notion that she would bear a son, and thus did so. And when she saw that he was a beautiful child, she said to him, "Thou shalt be a crossdresser!"  
But upon second look, she found that the child was actually a female. And so she made an ark of airbrushes for her, daubed it with cement and rubber, put the child in it, and laid it in the reeds by the river bank.  
And her sister stood afar off, to know the prices of the competition that Rite Aid would bring their little Longs store.  
Then the ark sank quickly, and the baby was forced to act fast to survive. So the baby ate an alligator, and the fat that was produced from the feeding made the baby float.  
Then the daughter of Pharaoh came down to wash herself at the river. And her maidens walked along the river's side; and when she saw the floating child among the reeds, she said, "HOLY SHIT!" And Clod said, "WHERE?"  
And when she and her maidens and several oxen managed to pull the baby to shore, she had compassion on her, and said "This is one of the Tea-brewers' children."  
Then her sister said to Pharaoh's daughter, "Shall I go and order Dominoes?" And Pharaoh's daughter said, "Yes, and thou shalt then bringeth a nurse for me from the Tea-brewer women, that she may nurse the child for me."  
So the maiden went and called the child's mother.  
Then Pharaoh's daughter said to her, "You have forgotten the pizza. For this, DEATH!" But the child began to scream, and did not stop until Pharaoh's daughter removed the death sentence. "You may live, if you take this child away and nurse her for me, and I will give you your wages." So the woman took the child and nursed her.  
Thousands of alligators, hundreds of oxen, and dozens of all-you-can-eat buffets later, the child had grown VERY large, and she brought her to Pharaoh's daughter, and she became her daughter. So she called her name Thelma, saying, "Because she is so damn fat."  
  
Thelma Flees to Median  
  
Now eventually Thelma made it out of the palace, though it took years to enlarge the door enough for her to do so, and she went out to her brethren and looked at their legs. "Thelma HUNGRY..." She would proclaim, but something in the back of her mind always managed to keep her from eating them. And she saw an Egyptian beating a Tea-brewer once, one of her brethren.  
So she looked this way and that way, crossed the street, and sat on the Egyptian and buried him in the sand.  
And when she rolled out the second day, behold, two Tea-brewer men were fighting, and she said to the one who did the wrong, "Where is the nearest McDonalds?"  
Then he said, "It hasn't even been thought up yet. And besides, who the hell made you a princess and a judge over us? Do you intend to sit on me as you did the Egyptian?" So Thelma feared and said, "BURP!" after she had eaten the Tea-brewer man.  
When Pharaoh heard of the Egyptian being killed (he heard it from the man Thelma had not sat on or eaten), he sought to kill Thelma, but her blubber protected her until she could escape to Median, where she sat down by a well.  
Now the priest of Median had seven daughters. And they came and drew water, and they filled the troughs to water their father's flock.  
Then the shepherds came to drive them away, but could not get past Thelma. "What is this giant boulder doing here, stopping us from driving them away?" One shepherd asked. "Thelma HUNGRY..." Was the reply, and Thelma ate the shepherds and helped the daughters of the priest to water their flock.  
When they came to Greuel their father, he said, "How is it that you have found such a large cow?"  
And they said, "This is not a cow, but an Egyptian who has delivered us from the hand of the shepherds, and she also retained enough water for us and watered the flock."  
And so he said to his daughters, "And why do you expect me to believe that this enormous thing is a human being? Why is it that you think I am so stupid? Bring forth the real Egyptian, so that she may eat bread."  
Then Thelma reached forth a hand, and Greuel saw that it was indeed a human, and screamed and fainted.  
Then Thelma was content to live with the man, and he eventually grew accustomed to the bulky woman rolling about. He even gave his daughter Zeppelin to Thelma.  
And Thelma said, "HUH?" But shrugged and ate Zeppelin.  
Now it happened in the process of time that the Pharaoh died. Then the children of Israel groaned because of the bondage, but they were groaning in pleasure, for they were all into BDSM. But for some reason, Clod heard their cry because of the bondage.  
So Clod heard their groaning, and Clod remembered he had forgotten to make a covenant with anyone, but said, "Clod damn it all!" And made a covenant with some guys named Lincoln, Newton, and Jakough.  
And Clod looked upon the children of Israel, and Clod said, "Haha!"  
  
Thelma ate the Burning Bush  
  
Now Thelma kept the flock of Zethro, her father-in-law, in her stomache. And she led the next flock she was given into the back of the desert, and came to Horebble, the mountain of Clod.  
And the StrAngel of the LORD Clod appeared to her in a flame of fire from the midst of a bush. So she looked, and behold, the bush burned with fire, but the bush was not consumed.  
Then Thelma said, "Thelma HUNGRY..." And Thelma ate the burning bush.  
So when the LORD Clod saw that she had eaten the bush, Clod called to her from the midst of her stomach and said, "Thelma, THELMA! Spit me out, you colossal whale of a woman!" And she did so, and said, "HUH?"  
Then He said, "Do not draw near this place. Take your sandals off your feet, for they will make large treadmarks, and people will think that the car has already been invented."  
Moreover He said, "I am the Clod of your father--the Clod of Abraham Lincoln, the Clod if Isaac Newton, and the Clod of Jakough." And Thelma hid her face with her great flabby arms, for she was afraid Clod would see her thousands of chins and pass out.  
And the LORD Clod said, "I just might have seen the opression of My people. Either that or I've just seen some really kinky stuff. Anyways, they're in Egypt, being opressed and stuff, so that's kinda bad.  
"So I have decided to make you deliver to them this wonderful new pizza from Little Caeser's. And I guess you should get them out of there, too, that might help. Take them this pizza, then take them from that land to a good and large land where they may be free! We shall call it ReversedAmerica!  
"Now therefore, behold, the cry of the children of Israel has come to Me, despite my bad gammar and obsessive-compulsive habit of capitalizing Me, My, Him, His, etc., and I have also seen the oppression with which the Egyptians oppre- Wait... I have seen the oppression with which they oppressed them? Isn't that kind of... Well, isn't it kind of dumb to say they were oppressed with oppression? What else would they be oppressed by? Ice cream?? FIRE WHOEVER IS WRITING THIS THING!"  
And it was so.  
  
The Author Gets A Fake ID And Continues Writing  
  
"Come now, therefore, and I will therefore send you to Pharaoh therefore that you may therefore bring My people, the children of Israel, out of Egypt. Note how I say therefore many more times than is necessary, and therefore do not make the same mistake."  
But Thelma said to Clod, "Who am I?"  
So He said, "Certainly you know your own name? I could not possibly have given you both disgustingly large amounts of blubber and a severe shortage of brain, could I have? Oh well, it doesn't matter, I'll just go with you. And this shall be a sign to you that I have sent you: When you have brought the people out of Egypt, you shall serve me on this mountain... FOR MINIMUM WAGE!"  
Then Thelma said to Clod, "Sounds good to me. But what shall I tell them all when they ask your name?"  
And Clod said to Thelma, "I AM *scene edited to keep readers in suspense*." And He said, "Thus you shall say to the children of Israel, 'The guy whose name was edited out to keep the readers in suspense has sent me and this pizza to you.'"  
Moreover Clod said to Thelma, "However that would be bad grammar, and thus you should put the pizza before yourself and say to them, 'The LORD Clod of your fathers has sent this pizza and I to you.'  
Go and gather the old farts of Israel together, and say to them, 'The LORD Clod of your fathers has sent me to put you all in a retirement home, that you may forever more make macaroni necklaces and eat applesauce laced with various kinds of medicine! And, as an added bonus, He has decided that some old dead people appeared to me and told me of your suffering. So, basically, everybody but you gets saved, and you old people go to the home!"  
  
The Author Skips Much Boring Nonsense  
  
And Clod said, "So I'm gonna send a few plagues, and turn sticks into snakes and stuff like that. I'd like to see Disney's animation teams do THAT!"  
And much to Clod's dismay, Disney soon released a movie in which the aforementioned stuff happened.  
Then Thelma answered and said, "What if they no listen to Thelma?"  
So the LORD Clod said to her, "What is that in your hand?" And she said, "A monkey."  
And He said, "Cast it on the ground." So she cast it on the ground, and it became a human; and Thelma ate it.  
Then the LORD Clod said to Thelma, "Damn. I've just disproved everything that has been and will be written in this book... I must hide this theory of evolution... Forget you ever saw that!"  
And Thelma spit it up, and it became a monkey as it touched the ground.  
"That they may believe that the LORD Clod of their fathers has appeared to you. Now put your hand on your bosom." And Thelma put her hand on her bosom, and when she took it out, behold, she was holding a cooked chicken.  
And He said, "Put your hand in your bosom again." So she put he hand in her bosom again, and drew it out of her bosom, and behold, she held a smothered cooked chicken. "Wow." Spoketh Thelma.  
And Thelma said to the LORD Clod, "Thelma talk bad, what Thelma do?"  
So the LORD Clod said to her, "I'll possess you when you talk to the people, and just in case, I'll send your sisters Lola and Bertha with you."  
  
Thelma Goes To Egypt  
  
Then Thelma rolled over and found herself in Egypt.  
  
Close Encounters Of The Pharaoh Kind  
  
Thelma, Lola and Bertha waddled into Pharaoh's court and Thelma told him, "Thus says the LORD Clod of Israel: 'Let My people go, that they may meet the colonel and have a feast to Me in the wild wild west. Or wilderness. Whatever.'"  
And Pharaoh said, "Surely your Clod does not truly speak in such a stupid manner?" But the three large women nodded their heads, causing an earthquake unlike any other before it.  
And Pharaoh shrugged his shoulders saying, "Though you have brought this plague of tremors upon my people, I shall not let them go. Now, taskmaster people, do not give these people straws for their drinks any longer! Instead, give them bricks."  
And the taskmasters of the people and their officers went out and stole all the staws in sight, saying, "Thus says Pharaoh: 'HAHA! No straws for you! Go get your own damn straws, if you can find any. And hey, while you'e at it, why not do more work than you're already doing? Have a nice day!'"  
And the officers of the children of Israel cursed loudly at Pharaoh.  
Then, as they came out from Pharaoh, they met Thelma, Lola and Bertha who stood there to meet them.  
And they said to Thelma, "Move your tremendous bulk, and let the LORD Clod look upon you and judge, for you have made us have to sip our drinks straight from the glasses, and we now have more bricks than we know what to do with!"  
  
Israel Pizza Delivery Assured  
  
So Thelma rolled over to the LORD Clod and said, "Clod, Thelma no understand."  
Then Clod said to Thelma, "Now you shall see what I will do to Pharaoh. I shall whack him upside the head until he gives in to my demands!"  
But Bertha said, "Bertha think Clod do miracles, make people believe."  
And Clod said, "My Clod! I think Bertha may be right... I shall do miracles, and send forth plagues, and sing songs with a high-pitched voice until windows shatter! Note to self; create windows."  
So Thelma spoke thus to the children of Israel; but they would not heed Thelma, because they were depressed due to lack of straws.  
And the LORD Clod spoke to Thelma, saying, "Get yer tremendous arse in there and tell Pharaoh to bugger off!"  
And Thelma spoke before the LORD Clod, saying, "People no listen to Thelma, why Pharaoh listen?"  
Then the LORD Clod told Thelma it was too damn bad if he didn't, and that she, Lola and Bertha would have to deliver the children of Israel anyways. 


End file.
